


True Blue

by Joythea



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Study, Child abuse tags courtesy of Fire Lord Ozai, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Insecurity, Mostly Gen, Politics, Role Reversal, Scheming, almost canon compliant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:09:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25286611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joythea/pseuds/Joythea
Summary: Azula knows that her father’s dislike of her is only because he had a vendetta against her mother. A punishment, of sorts, as she understands. There is nothing else she could do about it, aside from trying to survive all the harsh demands placed upon her, and ensuring that her younger brother Zuko is safe. At least she is loved by her mother and uncle.If only her father knew how this very action had led to his downfall.AU where Azula is the firstborn that Ozai disdained, despite her prodigious talents.
Relationships: Azula & Iroh (Avatar), Azula & Ursa (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 113





	True Blue

**Author's Note:**

> hello for those who subscribed for my MDZS fics, im sorry this is uhh just a random azula fic i popped out after watching too many azula psychology videos so enjoy if you like it, if not, well I promise another MDZS fic soooooooon.
> 
> I was also low key inspired by that one other Azula fic where she was the older sister, but Zuko was a baby, so here I wanted to narrow that age gap a bit. More in endnotes.

For as long as she remembered, Azula knew she was different from other children. Physically, she is of royal descent. A firebending prodigy, even. Mentally, however, she did not think or behave like a normal child. When other girls had dolls, Azula preferred to read strategy books or use animals as part of her firebending practice. There are times where she would nearly burn someone. Her reckless use of firebending meant she had no regard for others. While she respected her superiors, she never accepted her inferiors.

Is that abnormal? Apparently so. Her oddity had earned her the ire of her father, who blamed her mother for her deficits. Sometimes, he would punish her by sending her to the Fire Temple to learn the virtues of ‘patience’ and ‘tolerance’ from the Fire Sages. It did not matter whether she had mastered most of the katas before her peers, or exemplary scores and singing praise from her tutors. She may be honorable, but disgraceful. No matter how she honed her skills, she will never be her father’s perfect little girl.

Despite how her mother reassured her that she wasn’t a monster, deep down, Azula knew that even her mother feared her, just not as much as her father. It’s subtle that one can easily miss it. There were times that her mother did not trust her to be in the same room as Zuko, her younger brother, out of fear that she may hurt him.

She remembered, being six years old, trying to get Zuko to firebend, and her mother shouting at her all of a sudden. Yet, when it came to Lu Ten who had to babysit them, he did not get the same treatment. Azula would watch her classmates at school with their siblings, getting along well. She would not deny that she found being an older sibling a chore, and it took a while to adjust.

Nonetheless, she would never let anyone hurt him. How anyone could reach that conclusion still puzzled her to this day. Or maybe it had something to do with her father, who scorned her at every opportunity he got. At least, Azula was loved by her mother just because of their biological relations. Had her mother not birthed her from her womb, Azula was sure that her mother would want  _ nothing _ to do with her whatsoever.

She could tell, from how the many servants who are not out to bootlick, to the other students at the royal academy fleeing at the sight of her. Her uncle Iroh, while giving her unconditional love, often left her alone to her own devices after comforting her. As a prodigy, she should be more than capable of handling her own problems. At least Lu Ten made good company, but even then, they were more like firebending training partners than actual cousins.

As they grew up, her father made it a point to shower more attention on Zuko. Perhaps her father found it easier to manipulate someone who would not fall for his tricks. Azula is not foolish as everyone thinks her to be, so she still protects her brother in her own way. That involved some form of manipulation and coercion just so he had his own personality instead of being a puppet.

So be it that she be resented by her younger brother and misunderstood by the whole family. What a disgrace, a princess behaving like a child, her father said. Funny how she had been mocked for not being child-like in her childhood, and now that she is the right age for her maturity, she gets scorned. There is really no pleasing her father. Fortunately, she fooled her father into thinking she took the bait. At least Zuko would be better off than had she not intervened.

Her actions of ‘rebellion’ definitely drove her father mad. On the surface, people thought that they had a good relationship, that his harsh upbringing was meant to groom her to be his successor. He delivered more tasks for her to accomplish, tasks that would be unimaginable for a twelve-year-old to do, such as mastering the ability to bend lightning, or forcing her to keep a flame lit without damaging anything for 16 hours straight.

Her prodigious talent became an excuse for him to push her to the extreme limits that even other experts in the art would find impossible to achieve or horrifying. As though this would drive her to be more amiable, and much more  _ obedient. _ In return, she maliciously complied with his orders. If he demanded her to bend lightning, she would do it, and proceed to destroy something in the process, narrowly hitting him, and would cite that her control is still lacking.

It’s not like he would die from her bending since she knew he mastered lightning bending. Had it been anyone else, her father would have killed them. The only bothersome thing about doing this was having her chi blocked. Azula quickly adapted, and learned to master hand to hand so that she would never be truly defenseless, lest her father began to entertain the idea of killing her. Though this often led to her mother scolding her, Azula persisted.

Because no matter what, she refused to yield.

* * *

The war had been ongoing for about a century now. Now if Uncle conquered Ba Sing Se, then the Northern Pole, the war would end and the Fire Nation would truly rule the world, fulfilling the dreams of who… oh right, great-great-grandfather Sozin. Unfortunately, that dream had evaporated into thin air the moment Lu Ten had passed away, and Uncle Iroh abandoned the Siege of Ba Sing Se.

“What a pity. Lu Ten was such a good firebending training partner.” Azula commented. “And Uncle should have fought on so that his death may not have been in vain.”

“Azula, are you crazy? Our cousin passed away and the only thing you could say was just that?” Zuko said in complete disbelief. “Uncle lost his only child!”

“I mean, it is true that Uncle has lost his heir, so it is reasonable for him to grieve.” Azula explained, making her mother relax somewhat.

She had seen how Uncle loved Lu Ten, from advising him on his forms, to bringing food during firebending practice. Things that their father would  _ never _ do for either she or Zuko, despite the latter being his favourite. 

“What I meant is that Uncle worked so hard to get there, so why should he give up? Also, I find it quite pitiful to say the least because that means even if Uncle is to be Fire Lord, his bloodline has ended.” Azula shrugged, with the words ‘ _ And that means Father gets the throne, you fool,’ _ went unsaid.

Although she does not know what romantic love is like, she knew her uncle valued her deceased aunt. He would never remarry to sire another heir. At least Uncle has guts to stand up to the Fire Sages, even with his tea loving kookiness.

“Azula.” Ursa warned, which meant that her lack of humanity was showing. Again. “We know what you meant, but don’t say that to your Uncle when he returns.”

She pouted. It’s not like she was insulting anyone this time! Afterwards, her mother made her write a few lines on how to behave when mourning for someone, and what to say to her uncle so she doesn’t ‘hurt his feelings’. Funnily enough, her father did not intervene, arousing her suspicion. Thus, she snuck out with her brother, and found her father demanding the throne from her grandfather in the throne room.

Azula snorted when she heard that. Was her father too power-hungry to snatch the throne from her uncle so quickly? The pot truly called the kettle black. It is no wonder her father saw her as a threat; that maybe her grandfather would transfer the throne over to her instead, given how she outclassed him in almost everything.

Azula had perused the records. Uncle had done so much better than her father. Perhaps her father truly  _ did _ have weaknesses after all. No wonder grandfather felt no need to shower love upon her. He probably saw her to be the same ‘breed’ of her father. All the bad traits, but slightly better in comparison to her father. Or maybe, their bloodline is truly cursed. All emotionless, merciless rulers. (Except for her uncle and her brother).

“I will have you kill Azula, so that you will know what it is like to lose your firstborn, Ozai. Your suffering is just beginning.”

Zuko had scurried away by this point, but Azula stilled, briefly. What is with this family’s obsession of hurting someone else just to punish them? Part of the reason why her father disdained her was because he wanted to punish her mother. It did work for sure, having seen her mother cry when neither she nor her brother were paying attention. 

_ “You gave birth to a monster, and you deserve it.” _ Her father’s cruel words to her mother rung in her mind.

An effective strategy on people who have weaknesses, or rather bonds between people. Now her grandfather wanted to do the same thing to her father, but unfortunately he clearly miscalculated. So much for her performance earlier, regarding her firebending. Had she been her grandfather she would have ensured that she herself would be trained and moulded into the Fire Nation’s strongest weapon. Like a group of assassins or specially trained warriors. Didn’t Avatar Kyoshi found some group… the Kyoshi Warriors? Whatever.

Azula then left the audience chamber, and behaved as though she had never heard what had transpired in there. A normal kid would be completely terrified if they learned their father is about to kill them. Yet, it did not unhinge her one bit, but she does fear what would happen to Zuko if she is gone. Unlike her, Zuko is completely vulnerable to her father’s abusive actions, be it indirectly like neglect, or directly like verbal abuse. He may be the favored child, but Azula’s talents were still something her father had to recognise, like conveniently using her as a goalpost and a target of resentment, for one.

Her mother, though a good guardian, is still weak and under her father’s control. Though Azula mused that her mother has her own way of defying her father, but maybe not to the extent where she might step in, considering it is  _ her _ and not Zuko. Uncle cannot help them now, considering he would be busy mourning for his son and have yet to return. While it may seem like a good tactic to wrench the throne over when he is distracted, Azula wondered if her father could have utilized other tactics to do so. There is a reason why Uncle is so revered; he slew the last dragon in the world with the title of ‘The Dragon of the West’.

When her brother came to find her, asking what had transpired, Azula chose to not speak of it. Later that evening, she finds herself still awake when her mother comes to find her. 

“Good evening, mother, what brings you to my quarters? Are you preparing for my funeral?” Azula asked calmly with a stoic expression on her face, her hands uncharacteristically holding her blanket tight.

“Obviously not! How could I let your father hurt you?” Her mother nearly shouted, and grabbed her by the arms.

“Why? This would have been the best opportunity for you to get rid of me.” Azula tilted her head to the side, confused.

Ursa tightened her grip all of a sudden, surprising her, and Azula looked at her mother in disbelief.

“Azula, I would never think of you like that.” Azula blinked.

“I mean, we all know who you like better. Had it been Zuko who was to be killed instead, you would do it without hesitation.” She looked away from her mother, unable to face her.

“No, no.” Ursa shook her head. “Why would you think this? It’s not even a matter of who is loved more; no matter what happens, you  _ are _ my daughter. Nothing will change that.” Azula remained hesitant to jump into her mother’s arms. Then, her mother hugged her, warmly embracing her. “I love you so much, Azula.”

She carefully raised her arms, before clinging tightly. Why is she feeling like this? Her mother then released her from the hug.

“So what happens now?” Her voice is strangely high pitched; did she not grow out of that yet? 

“You won’t die, Azula, but I have to leave. I am sorry I cannot be here for the remainder of your years.” Ursa did not look at her in the eye as she said that.

“What do you mean?” Anxiety began to creep up her spine.  _ Is this fear?  _ “You can’t leave. You always stayed whenever I did something bad, like burning the birthday decorations, or throwing bread at baby turtleducks. What could possibly drive you away? You can’t leave. You absolutely cannot!” Her voice grew louder and sharper, akin to sparks setting off flames.

“I have to leave, in exchange for your safety.” Ursa, in return, gently cradled her with the gentle waves of the ocean.

“How dare you tell me this only now, mother? I lived most of my life believing that you only liked Zuko more than me. And you dare to leave?”

All those years, watching her mother give more affection to Zuko, and only getting scraps of it whenever father had decided to punish her… All those guilty looks from Ursa, as though she wronged her the moment she birthed her into the world, Azula thought she had hardened her heart against it. That she had gotten over it.

And now her mother completely shattered the careful structure she made to hide from the harsh realities of the world.

“Then again, it makes sense why you would leave. If you had any choice, you would have left eons ago. You only stayed with father to protect Zuko and I. Now that you are leaving and allowing me to live, then I will have to protect Zuko even more now.”

Azula fondly remembered the one time Ursa told her that she was an older sister, to protect her brother. It meant something to her, even if it is not to the extent any other older sister would feel for their younger brother. This was a fact that never changed, on the day Zuko was born. 

“Azula. I… may not have been the best mother, but you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“You made a deal with him to spare my life. And his condition is that you leave so that you do not pose a threat to him. It is right that I protect Zuko in your stead.” Her mother loosened her hold upon hearing this. “Father treats me like this because he wants to punish you for what you did to him. I do not know what it is, but I know that father is shrewd. Just as I am not normal, he is not normal either.”

“Azula! Do not speak ill of yourself. You have good traits. You just have yet to discover them.”

“Mom, it’s been twelve years since I was born into this world. We can barely find any aside from my prodigious talents. How are you so sure of this?”

“You have an excellent mind for strategy, Azula. As you said, you have many talents. Rather than use them to harm, you can use them to protect. You can use them to benefit others, and to form strong bonds as well. Your need for perfection must be undone, for setbacks are a normal part of life. I trust that you will bounce back stronger because you have the rest of your life ahead of you. Don’t let your father destroy it. No matter what he says, you will forever be my daughter. Believe in the good of others. You will have people who will support you. Iroh will help, I am sure, and Zuko… he will understand someday.”

“Mother, do you really have to go?” Azula asked. “Can’t you just stay?” Another surge of emotion built, like a raging inferno of hope. She held tightly onto her mother’s sleeves. 

“If it means you are alive and well, I will do whatever it takes. And Azula, I am sorry I did not love you enough, Azula.” Just like a shooting star, her hope is thus drowned by the tidal waves, and it extinguishes into nothing.

“Will you tell Zuko too?” Ursa nodded. “Mom… Before you go, can you tell me if I am really a monster?”

“You were never a monster. You are just my precious Azula.”

For the first time, Azula cried and hugged her mother tightly.

* * *

The next morning, Azula woke up to a cold, quiet bed. Just yesterday she had felt warmth, and now it faded away. She got up, and noticed the servants were running in a flurry of panic. Her grandfather had passed away, and the palace immediately began preparing for his funeral rites. Her mother was nowhere to be found, and her father had cleverly usurped the throne.

Her brother came to find her, demanding answers, “Do you know where mom left? Or why?”

Azula paused for a moment, before answering.

“Because I chased her away, Zuzu. She saw something she should not have.”

“What did you do?”

“Hmm, well, that’s up to your imagination. Whichever the case, know that mom is no longer here to protect you now. And honestly, that’s for the best.”  _ That she be freed from the monster we call a father. _

She quietly suppressed the anger she had towards her mother, for abandoning Zuko and her here. But she will use this not against her, but her  _ father _ . Yes. That makes life slightly better. Because Mom finally told her that she was not a monster, and that she  _ can _ do good.

“Why would you say such a thing?! Do you really not care for her?” Azula did not react. “I really cannot believe why I have a sister just like you.” Zuko stomped off.

If Zuko hates her, so be it. As long as her father does not target him, he will be fine, just as she promised her mother. She carefully walked to her father, completely unfazed as everyone expected her to be. Emotionless, and unwavering, completely not affected by the disappearance of someone who should be dear to her. The servants avoided her, and allowed her entry to her father’s palace.

The man stood proud and tall in the garden, completely unaffected by the ‘disappearance’ of his wife. Always cold, and distant as the Northern Poles.

“Father, where did mother go?” She has to keep up this farce, inevitably.

Her calm expression will be her shield, to keep her father at bay.

“She has left to repent, for giving birth to a monster such as you.” Ozai replies harshly, before leaving briskly to prepare for her grandfather’s funeral.

Azula stood there, and clenched her fists.

She will not yield. 

_ Never. _

**Author's Note:**

> For now, it's on hold as a standalone one-shot until I figure out how to continue the story from here, especially since I want to keep Zuko a good guy rather than an antagonist. 
> 
> The idea is this; now had Azula been in Zuko's place, being disdained due to Ozai punishing Azula, so I wanted to try and see how it worked. Ozai is very much abusive regardless of which sibling, and I wanted to show that even if Zuko was the talented sibling, they will still be abused as long as they are NOT the golden child. It creates an interesting Azula where she is still similar to the one in canon, but also more restrained because her mother told her she loved her. That sentence helps keeps Azula sane as she tries to be Ursa's daughter and older sister. I want to see more of Azula's love and care for Zuko and she sustains that to the best she can.
> 
> Further ideas include Azula outright fighting Ozai in an Agni Kai and she tells him she didn't kill him lest she commits regicide as a form of malicious compliance because Azula would totally do it now that she is no longer under the control of her father like in canon.
> 
> What I do want to write is Azula getting along with Toph, ironically, because Toph would share similar sentiments. I'll just keep stewing on this for a bit. This should be short, like around 5 chapters because I don't want to drag it too long. Comment if you have any ideas please!


End file.
